Sick

You got sick with strep throat twice over the past few weeks. I hate this because I never what you to be sick. But oh the memories I just got flashbacks of....

The first time you got sick we both got it. The strep was so bad it was more like a case of the flu. It started with you throwing up (which you have only done one other time) and you threw up multiple times. It was the saddest thing because as it was happening and I was holding a bowl up to you, you would tell me "No, all done". Thinking that if you said you were done it would make you stop. I wished you could tell what was going on with your body because you were miserable not having any control over it.

Then during the times that you weren't throwing up I was holding you and you would just keep telling me "hold me" and "up" as if I wasn't doing any of those things. It was the most endearing and heartbreaking thing knowing that laying right on me wasn't enough. I am your comfort and you just wanted more. The picture below is from you trying to sleep in between your throw up spells and shows just how much pain was on your face. It still breaks my heart to look at this picture.

Flash forward to two days later. By this point you had spiked a fever of 103 and I thought you had the flu. You were miserable. You actually woke up at 5 am and wouldn't go back to sleep because you were so miserable. By this point, I was too. So I decided we should take a bath. You laid on me in the bath with the shower running on your back and fell asleep on me for about 30 min. This is where the memories began. It reminded me of holding you as a small baby when we used to take baths together. It was a moment of closeness and something I won't forget. After the bath I gave you some tylenol and we went back to sleep together until 11 am. You have NEVER slept this late. So clearly you needed it.

Lastly....on this second bout of strep that you are currently on I had another flashback moment. You woke up a few hours after falling asleep and you were crying a lot. You had a fever and just didn't feel good. I rocked you in the rocking chair in the dark back to sleep. As I sat there holding you and you feel back asleep on me I was reminded of your infant days. It was a sweet reminder of a phase that has now gone. I cherish this because I know there won't be many, if any of those nights left to rock you back to sleep. You are growing more every day and are almost to big to fit in my arms on that chair.

Needless to say, even though those memories and moments are forever in my heart, I am glad that you are starting to feel better and truly do hate when you are sick. I love you.